Nobody's Perfect.

Its this time again. Where I suddenly start thinking about life. I realized that I'm a big spoilt brat. I don't appreciate things. When did I appreciate my mother ? She's done so much for me. Taken care of me all these years. What did I give her ? A fucked up hard life. Single mother taking care of a rebel. And when did I appreciate Su Hyun ? Didn't I always change my mind ? I always kept switching. But no more. No more of this nonsense. I've had enough with my attitude. But I've also had enough of people judging me. You guys keep gossiping. Well I'm sick and tired of it okay ? 
I'm clearing up this whole mess, today, once and for all.
Yes, I'm a tomboy. Yes, I do find girly girls irritating. Yes, I do prefer talking to guys more than girls. Yes, I love to swear. Yes, I used to cut. Yeah sure, I'm insane. Do I look like I care ? Insane's the new thing. Just cause I talk to guys, I'm flirting ? Oh sorry, so you want me to stop talking to the opposite sex for the rest of my life ? Fuck yourself. And don't judge me cause I swear dearie. Did you judge Eminem and Jessie J when they sweared ? Eminem had a fucked up background. I respect him, why ? He was able to get back up throughout everything he's been through. He wanted to show the world that even a small town boy like him deserved respect. Because God created us. We are important to everyone as we are made in the image of Christ. Jessie J is bisexual and she is very open about it. She's dated girls and guys, so what ? At least she isn't shy about who she is. And I respect her for that. I always used to favour my dad more than my mother. I always dreamt of being with my father. But now ? I just fucking regret everything. I want to be back with my mother. I don't want to live in this mad house anymore. I know that my mother is more sentimental than my father. I know she's more caring and kind hearted. I know my dad doesn't give a fuck. My mum was right. My dad isn't good. Freedom ain't everything. Yeah sure, its cool. Its fun, its awesome. But I want family love. And I don't have that here, do I ? Its too late to regret everything. I've been too spoilt and immature to realize what was good for me.  I remember all the lies I told and all the horrible things I did. I remember I wan't a very good christian either. I still don't think I'm a good christian now. But I want to change. Everytime i tell myself that I want to change, I don't change. But this time I swear that I will. Once I get home, I'll do my homework before I switch on the computer.  need my dad's trust right ? I know I've been a bad daughter to both my parents. Somehow I just can't control my rudeness towards my father. Somehow or rather, I just feel like I suddenly hate him. No words can explain it. But I'm going to accept my life now. I won't promise that I will pay attention in class because I don't pay attention in class at all. But I do dare say that i will try to revise and do self study. I'll try to change, I really will try. I have to, I want to make my mum proud. I want my dad to know that I'm not always on the computer. I want to be as good as SIS students. Most of all, I wanna show everyone that I'm not the girl they thought I was. I've been lazy for too long. I'm not working out enough or taking care of my skin enough. I'm definitely not studying enough. Well i guess I'll change now. 
Pray for me that it'll work. I want to be a better christian from now on. I will go to church every Sunday not just for my friends, but to praise the Lord.  I will re-read all my books about christ. I will definitely read the bible too. And, I will pray everynight. This time I really want to change. My dad said that I can't make anything out of becoming a dancer. Well its my dream, and I'm accomplishing it. I believe that God supports me. I will become a dancer one day. i will become a better friend. I will be a better daughter. I will become a better student. And I want to be a better christian. I'm not praising God enough. I really really want to change this time.
I really do.