Undaunted Souls ✌: My Goddamit Life .

I really hate my life . I lose my dad , at the age of 5 . Up till this day , I cannot remember a single day where I've had a meal together with them or taken a photo with them . Or even celebrated my birthday with them . My mum didn't even allow me to have a birthday if my dad didn't want to pay .

You know , I really envy my brother . He's got a real family , a mum and a dad . He's having an awesome childhood and I hope he knows that . He's living my dream . Anyway , most people think I'm heartless to dislike my mother . But for what she has done to me , I seriously can't forgive her . She abuses me and everyone either says she doesn't mean it or its for my own good . I know she's sick but she doesn't have to vent on me right ? If I'm angry , you don't see me venting my anger on her . Everyone worries when my mum's in depression , how about me ? Do they worry ? No . When i wa in depression , only A FEW of my friends were there for me . But when my mother finally asked me why there was blood in my room , I told her I had depression and she laughed at me , she fucking laughed at me and said " I thought you scared of pain ? You can cut meh ? HAHA very funny " Any idea how much it hurt ? She's laughed at me so many times , mocked me . Told bad things to her friends behind my back . She spouts nonsense and untruths to her friends and they think I'm some sort of mental child . Well , all I have to say to them is . I WASN'T THE ONE WHO WENT TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL SO WHO'S MENTAL NOW HUH ?! Sometimes I don't get this world at all . Its not logical , everyone seems to scold me for being hurt . Most people only say my mum's extremely important . Hey , she's out of my life , aren't I happier ? So don't talk crap . You don't understand my feelings , please don't act like you do . Yeah sure , many kids out there get abused and all . But don't try to act like you've got more experience than me . My mum's done so many unforgettable things to me . I really want to forget the past and everything , but I can't . When i go back to SG , I still have to visit her , don't I . Sometimes , I just really don't get this . I was born into this world as a daughter of a heavenly father but he gave me this life . There are really point of times where I'm angry with God , he's never answered my prayers or done much for me .

There are so many things I want to say but I can't put into words , I just want someone to be beside me right now , holding me and telling me everything's going to be alright . That sense of security . I really need it now . I want to talk to someone right now and pour everything out but yet I'm so scared I'll make that person angry . I ignored everyone , I'm a bitch , aren't I .

Now I hope 2012 will be tomorrow , then I can die and forget everything .

I really need a best friend in Hong Kong whom I can talk to .

I'm such a sensitive person , no wonder so many people hate me .